i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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