And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
