If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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