Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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