please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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