so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
