what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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