OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
