so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
