just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
