So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
