I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
