so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
