Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
