so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
