yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
