he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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