hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
