tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
