You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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