I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
