I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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