he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
