i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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