You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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