tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
