Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
