Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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