problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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