U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
