You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
