i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
