At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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