and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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