How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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