Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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