Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
