R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
