im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
