Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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