i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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