Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How's work?
Spinning.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
