I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You did what with his pubic hair?
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