she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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