Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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