my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
