Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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