You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
