Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
