Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
