I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
