I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
