Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
