we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
